Hi, James!
Are you doing good these days? I
expect you to be wondering why I sent you this letter.
As you might expect, I have
something to tell you that I could not tell you before.
Writing this letter, it remind me of the most
valuable moment- the first time I met you in a math class.
Actually, at first, I did not
really recognized you as a man, but as the time passes, I was held by you. I could not help myself from glancing at you, and thinking
about you.
Even on the bed, I always thought of the moment when you made a brilliant speech in front of
the class.
When I dreamed about you, I did not want to wake up- when I woke up,
I tried to sleep more.
I don't know how strange you might think of me reading
this, but there is a reason why I am writing this letter for you- because I just
want to express my feelings.
I have pretended as if I don't consider you as a man,
but lately I recognized that I would not be able to keep hiding my sincerity.
Every time watching you, my worries and bad moods
have washed out.
Do you remember the day I got F on the math test? On that day,
I cried over and over until you ask me that I am okay- your "are you
okay" was different from others'.
At that moment I thought, 'how happy
student I would be if that boy is always beside me.'
Yet,
I don't know anything about you. Where do you live? What is your favorite
color? What do you like to eat the most? Who is your ideal style? Where do you
want to hang out with whom?
You always tickle my curiosity. Now, I want to
learn about you little by little- slowly but a lot. I think it would be
beautiful for us to be closer to each other.
You
might feel confused reading my sincerity, but please receive this letter
without pressure.
Even thought you don't accept my sincerity, please value the
sincerity. Thank you James.
James stood with his fists trembling and lips
unable to meet. Trying to guess who might sent this letter to him, he became
scared. His math class was consisted of 7 boys- He is going to an all-boy school. Yes, the writer of the letter was a male.
"What the Phuck...?" He could not
express his feeling sufficiently as the shock was beyond the expressions. Saying nothing for a moment, he finally shouted, "Oh phuck that was him, Josh."
The day after, Josh, a tall boy with wide
shoulder, told him to come to the rooftop after the classes. “It became
clear that he was Josh...,” James whispered.
When he went there, Josh was waiting for him with
the scent of perfume. The two were not the only people who were at the
rooftop at that time. Samuel, the best friend of James', was there, too. Josh
said. “Yes… I’m the one who wrote the letter,” with shy smile. “I’m sorry, but
I,” before James finished his words, Josh hugged him tightly and ran away. James
lost his mind. He couldn’t say anything. He couldn’t do anything. Samuel went close
to James and said, "Congratulation." James collapsed down.
James soon noticed that he couldn't
forget the scent of Josh. Especially, he couldn't stop thinking about the
feeling when Josh hugged him. Yes. A new, secretive sincerity started to
make two hearts flutter.
HA! HA! HA! This was the story of your dadies, kids. Today, in 2045, people view homosexual couple normal, but at that time, when your dadies were students, most of people in the society viewed homosexual couple abnormal... Because we were a couple, we suffered a lot... It was really hard even for us to adopt you guys... How funny story it is! Ha Ha Ha!!!
HA! HA! HA! This was the story of your dadies, kids. Today, in 2045, people view homosexual couple normal, but at that time, when your dadies were students, most of people in the society viewed homosexual couple abnormal... Because we were a couple, we suffered a lot... It was really hard even for us to adopt you guys... How funny story it is! Ha Ha Ha!!!
While a bit juvenile, I do admit there is some humor and creativity here. I'm not sure the issue of homophobia is well suited to this writing exercise (as the tone and attitude towards it is left in mystery), but I don't mind students taking risks and expressing themselves. Structurally, I think you've done a good job of dividing things into two sections, and the use of the song is novel and creative. All in all, it is hard for me to take this 100% seriously, and there is a lack of polish in terms of grammar and syntax. However, you were the first student finished, and showed initiative. The last section you added doesn't really help the story, and actually seems a bit mocking. I'm not certain that this would not be offensive to some people, so this is something to consider. In most cases, it is advisable to avoid the risk.
답글삭제I really enjoyed reading this humorous writing. I found 3 layers of plot in your story; 1. the letter itself, 2. incident at the school, and 3. James's and Josh's voice from the future. I think each plots are well-organized and well-divided. While the linkage between the first and second plot was strong and natural enough, it was a bit difficult to understand the connection between the third plot and the rest. Some changes of wordings or the mood of the text may improve its delivery. For instance you may start the story like this; "Harry, Liz, this is the story how we met you. You may not understand it now, but you certainly will in the future. Daddies are ---." Though, I agree with Mr.Garrioch's advice that it may sound offensive to some.
답글삭제Overall, your writing was very creative and hard to expect! Different usage of fonts, colors, and size greatly helped the delivery of the mood. Also, some of your descriptions of love was very delicate. The short "are you okay" anecdote added sincerity of the letter, and made the letter fell 'real.' Well done :)